Thoughts

Patience is the capacity to endure delay, trouble, opposition, or suffering without becoming angry, frustrated, or anxious. It is the ability to do God's will and accept His timing. When you are patient, you hold up under pressure and are able to face adversity calmly and hopefully. Patience is related to hope and faith- you must wait for the Lord's promised blessings to be fulfilled.

You need patience in your everyday experiences and relationships... You must be patient with all people, yourself included, as you work to overcome faults and weaknesses.

I didn't write that myself, not trying to kid anyone here, I just don't know exactly where it came from.  It struck me really hard because I feel like I am constantly angry, frustrated, or anxious.  And not just in my head, but all over my body.  I can feel the adrenaline rush through my arms and up into my neck when I am impatient.  Not just with my kids, but with myself and my life in general.  We live in a culture where we are taught to always look for the next best thing and cling to it, and it's hard not to think that those who have the next best thing or even just something different than what you have isn't automatically better.  I've heard it said that if we all laid our troubles out on a table, we would immediately grab ours back when we see what kind of trials other people have (thanks for that pinterest, lol).  I feel like I am constantly begging the Lord for the things that I want instead of thanking him for providing me with the things I need and already have!  Even all the things I have that I previously wanted!  I've always wondered where my constant anxiety comes from, and I think I've finally pinpointed that its a major lack of patience in all things (and especially myself).  

We had Stake Conference today and the thing that struck me most, that I felt in my heart is that Heavenly Father wants us to grow closer to Him and not away from Him.  I know that is pretty simple to understand, but it never really hit me until today.  Sometimes I feel like if I read my scriptures, pray, attend the temple, have FHE, etc. for a period, eventually I will not need those things because I will be "self-sufficient in the gospel".  Ha!  Such a thing doesn't exist!  As if the goal was to become centered on our our knowledge of the gospel and not the source from which it all comes and our relationship with our God!  I never put that together until today, and it hit me really hard.  I guess I thought it was like learning times tables, we practice practice practice and eventually we should be able to do the math in our head.  When really, we need to brush up on our scripture everyday!  We will never NOT have a need for them!  We will always be reaching further up to heaven, or we will be stagnant (or more likely, steadily declining).  


Another thing that touched me from Stake Conference was when they spoke about how we should read our children scripture stories.  I can't remember all that was said, but I thought to myself about how there are so many patterns in the scriptures.  Righteous people have trials, they have faith in the Lord, and He helps and comforts them, even through all their trials.  Wicked people have trials, they murmur, they corrupt others, and they die in a flood or something like it.  Or they feel the love of God, change their ways and are saved and become missionaries.  

The "recipe" for a happy life is not a secret.  I want my children to know that fact clearly.  I don't want them to search for true and everlasting happiness in anything but the gospel.  I think a lot about Lehi's dream and how clear the symbolism teaches what happens to the faithful who CLING to the rod and how others WANDER off in strange paths, only to be lost and confused (and probably very sad).  The gospel of Jesus Christ is not confusing.  Yes, there is symbolism and analogies, etc. but it is no secret what we can and need to do to gain eternal life and eternal happiness.  The prophets have taught in the scriptures, and still teach today, what we need to do to be with our Father in Heaven again!  And THAT why we are here in the first place, to gain a body and mortal experiences!  How blessed we are to have a latter-day Prophet, President Thomas S. Monson and modern revelation to know what God wants us to do and where He wants us to go!  He wants us to come back to Him!  And God will never give us any trial we cannot handle, which I've found means that He trusts each of us VERY much!  More than we can most times comprehend, which means that His love is so perfect that we cannot comprehend it either!


Sorry this was jumpy, but so is my brain.  You do not want to see inside that thing, it is a mess.  Anyway, I didn't get to hear a lot at Stake Conference today but I'm so glad to have the opportunity to feel the Spirit and be able to share that with my family and especially my sons.  I hope I can teach them all that the Lord wants them to know, or at least teach them to "fish" for it themselves day after day.  Ok, it's past mommy's bedtime... goodnight!


(PS someone remind me of all of this tomorrow when I want to rip my hair out because my kids aren't taking a nap, haha, but seriously)